This is part 2 in a series on Biblical womanhood. Check out Part 1 here and Part 3 here.
I stand with the values the trad wife community promotes. But I disagree with how they communicate those ideals.
In this blog post, I aim to encourage you to consider the broader implications of what is posted online. Specifically, about how the trad wives of social media talk about, and promote, their lifestyle.
It’s important to take a step back when we’re looking at things on social media. Comparison is the thief of all joy, and I don’t think we should let social media steal any of the joy we have in our own lives.
And I think that’s the important thing to note. Trad wives have done nothing wrong in sharing their lives and ideals online. But how they share things can be misleading.
Let’s break down the differences and see what the Bible has to say about all this.
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Photo by Chad Madden via Unsplash.
What is a “Trad Wife”?
Trad wife is a shortened form of traditional wife. It usually refers to a woman who has embraced gender roles in her marriage rooted in mid-20th-century cultural norms (think the American 1950s woman). Before women widely worked in the workforce, they were home caretakers. They cleaned, cooked, reared children, and supported their husbands’ careers.
For the tradwife movement, making a home is the priority, not pursuing a career.
The trad wife trend ramped up around 2019 and 2020 (although it’s probably always been alive and well).
The feminist call of equality and giving in to your desires roared to life once again. Just before 2020, the United States saw its first female president elected to the White House, and the trans movement began to blur the lines between sex and gender. Supporters pushed that anyone could be a woman. That there was no clear definition of what a woman was.
It’s no surprise that well-intentioned women started sharing their stay-at-home journeys on social media. Traditional ideals were being threatened. And it was almost a rise among homemakers as a plea to swing the pendulum back toward wholesome values.
The Clash of Social Movements
When women started sharing their ideas behind conventional gender roles on social media, some took personal choice out of the picture and just ran away with what was shared online.
Societal expectations of both a traditional housewife and a working woman were suddenly under a microscope. And a question was raised about traditional values – is this real life for these women?
There have been articles written revealing why these social media influencers lost their influence. And I’ve summed up a few that, in my opinion, drove home the fine line these women strode in modeling something unrelatable, unattainable, and simply not Biblical.
Let’s take a look at a few reasons why tradwife content can be misleading.
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Photo by Vardan Papikyan via Unsplash.
TradWife Isn’t Synonymous with Stay-at-Home Motherhood
Critics say the tradwife movement idolizes flowery dresses, an immaculately clean home, and copious amounts of time spent doting on a husband. However, stay-at-home motherhood is anything but smooth sailing.
As a stay-at-home mom, I can attest to the balancing act I have to perform every day to manage my home, my children, and my time with my husband. And every day I fail to give one of those three things the care and attention they need.
You’ll find I think a lot of the failures behind the tradwife movement are rooted in the rose-colored glasses social media provides. This is potentially the biggest veil of them all.
A single woman has more time to devote to the tangible aspects of conservative values than a stay-at-home mother does. While a single woman has the time to develop skills and maintain her home, I spend a large portion of my day tending to hearts by kissing boo boos, encouraging understanding and grace, and serving others.
Now remember. These women may be prayerfully waiting their turn to become mothers. And while we don’t know what their motherhood journey looks like, we shouldn’t dismiss them or their skill set.
I am saying we should consider carefully our goals and abilities individually before comparing ourselves to someone else. Their goals and abilities may be completely different from ours. Even if it does feel good to do the same things.
Some of These Women Generate an Income
We watch these women because they are tender, encouraging, and peaceful. Because they garner such an audience, brands want to work with them to get their product in front of more eyes. In exchange for mentioning the brand, the women on social media get paid.
Everyone wins. The companies get promotion with modern advertising (ditching the need to advertise elsewhere), and these women get paid to post content about things they’re already doing with products they’re already using.
When that’s the case, it’s deceptive to label all tradwives as living on one income. While that may be the goal, it isn’t always the reality.
What do you think?
While I don’t agree with deceptive marketing practices, I think it’s wonderful that a woman can contribute to her home financially without actually leaving her home. For me, that’s this blog and a few digital products. For others, that may be social media.
If you aren’t technologically savvy, you can still impact your home economics! Where you shop matters. What you eat matters. There are lifestyle changes you can make that better fit your budget or financial goals.
What are ways you can contribute to your family’s finances? From cooking your food from scratch to thrifting your clothes, there are so many things you can do! Share the ways you help your family financially by commenting on this blog post.
These Women Are Pursuing Their Hobbies, But Don’t Encourage You To Do the Same
Makeup, thrifting, baking, animal husbandry. These are all common hobbies within the tradwife movement. But they aren’t the only hobbies out there.
If you like to sew, knit, scrapbook, or read – pursue those hobbies! With social media providing the network it has, I’m confident you will be able to find a page that encompasses homemaking and your particular hobby.
It doesn’t surprise me that any of the most common tradwife hobbies are as popular as they are. Everyone has to get dressed (makeup). These women are trying to live on one income (thrifting). These women are trying to cook from scratch and cut down on eating out (baking). And sometimes to save that money, they’re raising their food for meat, eggs, and milk (animal husbandry).
This is where influencing is completing its work. We see these women doing and thriving in a certain skill set. We want the results, joy, and success that come from those hobbies, too!
But we should pause and truly consider whether or not this hobby or skill will add value to our families.
Remember – comparison is the thief of joy! But if you live on a half acre lot in the middle of the city, chances are having a family milk cow isn’t what’s best for your family. Don’t let that make you feel like you’re failing as a homemaker!
Prayerfully consider whether what these women are doing will benefit your family. Make changes where you’re able. And embrace what truly works for your family.
The Tradwife Movement is, Ironically, Not Traditional
I live my life by the ideology promoted by the tradwife movement. But I also take advantage of most, if not all, of the modern conveniences available to me.
I have a dishwasher that I use every single day. I don’t use a clothesline because I have a fully functioning dryer. I use crockpots, mixers, coffee machines, and several other kitchen gadgets simply because they give me my time back.
The highlight reel of the tradwife movement doesn’t show these women taking part in those same conveniences. Not to mention other amenities like childcare (or help from family), online grocery shopping or meal delivery, pre-made meals, and time-saving technology like smartphones and digital reminders.
This is where we, as an audience, can slide into a slippery slope. We must remember that these are real women doing some of the same real things that we do. We just don’t see every single activity they partake in.
Additionally, critics of the trad wife movement argue that today’s women get to choose to opt out of a career. In the 1950s, sometimes working women were held in social disdain.
The cultural acceptance of women staying at home may have shifted away from traditional values. But about 75 years ago, it was largely the expectation.
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Photo by Towfiqu Barbhuiya via Unsplash.
The Movement Overemphasizes a “Woman’s Place”
I have said it before, and I’ll say it again – there is nothing in Scripture that commands women to stay out of the workforce. In part 1 of this series, I break down the history of women in the workforce and dive a bit deeper into what Scripture says about women in the workforce.
A pillar of the tradwife movement is that women don’t work outside the home. Their primary responsibility is to cook, clean, and care for their home. Namely, her husband and children.
Where does that leave childless women? Where does that leave women who love their careers? Where does that leave women who never had a career to pursue? Where does that leave widows, divorcees, or single women?
The trad wife movement is almost specifically for women ages 18 to 30 who may or may not have children. While you can argue that there are plenty of other women, of all ages and from all walks of life, who take part in the trad wife movement, you can’t deny the fact that most trad wives on social media are younger women with young families.
We should be very careful when we start pointing fingers or asserting an opinion. Especially blanket statements like, “A woman’s place is in the home.” While that may be a personal opinion, the tradwife movement asserts it as a sticking point. Like a woman’s sole responsibility hinges on her overall success.
This is critical because it accounts for those situations like widowhood, divorce, or tragedy. You also might never truly understand someone’s financial situation. A woman may be working to bring her family back from financial ruin. Not because she’s overwhelmingly in love with her job.
Instead of focusing so heavily on where a woman should be contributing from, perhaps we should shift our attention to her actual contributions. Then, we may be able to take Paul’s instruction from Titus and “admonish the younger women to be…homemakers,” (Titus 2:4-5).
What You See on Social Media is a Highlight Reel
It’s hard to compare yourself to a woman fully dressed and glammed when you are watching from your closet in a pair of sweatpants. How can you bake a loaf of bread every day when you’re just trying to find 5 minutes to yourself?
That’s part of the allure of the tradwife movement – it showcases the highlight reel of the woman producing the content.
I think that’s something we forget when we are viewing this content. The good parts, not the hard parts, are captured, edited, and promoted.
Follow me on Pinterest for tips on how to deal with the hard parts of homemaking.
Why Trad Wife Social Media Influencers Lost Their Influence
Home is what you make it. It isn’t some trend circulating on social media. It isn’t the latest and greatest home decor. It isn’t the most expensive food you can find in the grocery store.
Home is what your family needs it to be.
Trad wife influencers focus too much on the American 1950s woman and not enough on what the Bible calls women to be.
The highlight reel that is social media shows women spending hours preparing homemade meals with from-scratch recipes. If there are any store-bought meals, they aren’t being shown.
The highlight reel claims that one-income households should be standard, but it paints an unrealistic picture of what that looks like. Some of these women are making an income from what they post online. And unless you understand marketing, sponsored posts (the content these women are being paid to post) may look like everything else that dots their feed.
Finally, the highlight reel emphasizes complete submission to your husband, but doesn’t Biblically define what that is. There’s a grave misunderstanding about Biblical submission circulating online. And it doesn’t just impact women. Misunderstanding Biblical submission puts the man on a slippery slope away from successfully leading his family the way God intended it to be led!
This inauthentic representation of homemaking is what, I believe, has deterred many from pursuing the career to begin with. Normal life doesn’t look like a home goods magazine. Our homes aren’t full of the latest technologies. And even if we want them to be, our wallets may not be padded enough to afford those luxuries.
What I find most ironic is the fact that many domestic arts tend to be the most economical, spiritually fulfilling, and peaceful things a woman could do.
Social media influencers have shown us that feminine beauty and old-fashioned ethics can thrive in this generation of American women. But if all they’re striving for is notoriety from strangers online, #tradwife content fails to properly represent who traditional wives are and what they stand for.
What we have seen with the trad wife movement is a tale as old as time. God made a plan, but man got involved.
What Does God Say About Biblical Womanhood?
If your way of life is rooted in Christian beliefs, there’s no reason you shouldn’t share that online. There’s an entire community online waiting to embrace you!
However, there are problems with preaching things like financial dependence and women’s domestic duties as the “cure-all” to our modern societal ailments.
So what does God say about these things? What is a true, Biblical, traditional marriage? It isn’t something easily answered by someone with a YouTube channel. And you sure aren’t going to find the answer in a slew of TikTok videos.
That’s why I created a Bible study about Biblical womanhood. You can submit your email below to get a copy of a free, short Bible study on Biblical womanhood!
Related Blog Posts
23 Tips for Living Off One Income (Without Credit Cards)
Sample Weekly Homemaking Routine (To Get it All Done)
Homemaker and Happy: Tips for Embracing Your Godly Vocation
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